Olivia's New Sleigh

My step-dad is so talented in carpentry, and he finally finished the sleigh that he started for Olivia. We got to take it for a test run today when we picked it up. We let Gary have the honors of taking Olivia on the inaugural ride! I commissioned him on this project awhile back, and he willingly obliged. Gary is very sweet, and does all of Olivia's projects with love. Heirlooms are so important to me, and Gary knows how much anything that he creates means to me, and will be cherished for years to come. I'm so proud of this sleigh, and as you can see from the pics, Olivia is really enjoying it.

Farmer Lulu

I haven't posted an update about Olivia in awhile, and since I am also bad at updating the baby book, I better mark something on the blog. Olivia is turning into a little person, and communicating more each day. I understand her language and I can see her light up when she says something to me, and I repeat back the word that she was trying to say. Her face lights up, and its such a happy moment for both of us to be communicating, and doing the mother daughter dance. One of her latest favorites is to say "Geela" for Gorilla. She gets so excited when we know what shes saying. She copies alot of what we say, some of her latest words have been, Hummus, quiche, touch, all done, toe, knee, ear, back,Bye mommy, Bye daddy, Bye, Bye, Bye, she says bye alot, diaper, poop, pee, potty, boots, coat, and the list goes on. Her favorite thing has been to get a purse, wear it on her arm and tell us "Bye!!" Then she heads towards the door. I think that she sees us coming and going, and also wants to feel like she can come and go. Ha! Very recently I have noticed that she is starting to play differently, and is sharing her cup with her stuffed animals. She will say "Thirsty" and bring her cup over to her penguin or baby doll. But she is sort of a conditional sharer becuase she will briefly share her cup, then she will suck down the contents as fast as she can. Its hilarious. The Ego at work.

I'm starting to feel like I have a little buddy with me all the time. Olivia still has some babyness about her, but I can see the toddler behaviour starting at times. :) I'm reading the Dr. Sears discipline book and gearing up for next year, or sooner, when the terrible two's surface. He has a good quick read on his website about some other ideas for toddler discipline, heres the link if you're so inclined,
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061200.asp

I also want to add a shout out to Miss Sarah Keller who I saw at Parkleigh tonite! It was so great to see you, and thanks for helping me pick out that gift! I was Sarahs' most indecsisive customer ever, but she stuck with me. Thanks Sar!

Choice or no choice

I was moved by this article, and wondered why this day in age was someone counseled so poorly about her options during pregnancy. The following article is an undercover investigation at UCLA, and deals with a student going to the health center to hear her "options" about her pregnancy. The health center sounds like they did a horrible job of assisting her and other students, only presenting them with the option of Abortion. I can't believe that a well known school like UCLA wouldn't present someone with all of the options. It makes me feel that women haven't come as far as we think we have, especially since a pregnant college student is only given abortion as an option. I'm exasperated at the health center staff.....read on....

ALEXANDRIA, VA January 22, 2007 – Reacting to a student newspaper’s investigative report of pregnancy counseling techniques at UCLA, Feminists for Life is offering a plan to support “the rest of the choices.”

A UCLA student newspaper launched its inaugural edition today with a story based on a reporter's undercover investigation of questionable counseling techniques at the student health center.

Lila Rose, a sophomore at the University of California-Los Angeles, posed as a pregnant student seeking support for an unplanned pregnancy from the UCLA health center. The Advocate, a new student newspaper, reported today that university health center employees strongly advised Rose to abort, citing the lack of support on campus and the discomforts of pregnancy.

According to Rose, counseling was directed towards abortion, and there is no real support for women who choose parenting—marital, partnered or single—or various adoption options. The Advocate reported that the nurse practitioner explained the difficulties of pregnancy and revealed that most of the students she talks to terminate their pregnancies. "UCLA doesn't support people who are pregnant and make things easier for them necessarily," the nurse practitioner said.

The student health center staff informed Rose that while UCLA had two medical providers of abortion on campus ready to assist, Health Services had no support for a woman who wanted to continue her pregnancy, The Advocate reported. The Advocate was founded by UCLA students who have formed a pro-life and pro-woman group called Live Action. Rose is editor in chief of the new publication.

Feminists for Life President Serrin Foster has extended an offer to help, noting lack of resources and support are common in higher education but that Feminists for Life has helped other campuses bring various university stakeholders together to support pregnant and parenting students.

Lack of resources and support are common in higher education. “They don’t know how to deal with a pregnant student.” said Foster. In an attempt to help the student stay in school they often refer for abortion. Other choices are not supported. “On-campus resources and links to off-campus support are needed to solve this.”

Feminists for Life began to address the lack of resources on campus nearly ten years ago, when Foster hosted the first-ever FFL Pregnancy Resource Forum at Georgetown University in 1997. A panel discussion included an unprecedented range of stakeholders: administrators, community resource providers and students on both sides of the abortion debate. They took an inventory of resources and prepared a blueprint for progress in order to give women support for “the rest of the choices.”

The inspiration was the experience of an FFL board member. In 1995 a Feminists for Life then-board member highlighted the lack of resources on campus when she revealed that she had become pregnant in college and was abandoned with no support. “Without housing, day care and maternity coverage it didn’t feel like I had much of a choice,” she said.

With the help of FFL’s pregnancy resources forums, Georgetown within a few years addressed critical needs including housing, child care, insurance, communication and support, becoming a model for the country. Feminists for Life brought the program to Harvard, Berkeley, University of San Diego, Stanford, Notre Dame, University of Chicago, Northwestern, St. Xavier, University of Virginia, and others.

"Policies and procedures for helping pregnant and parenting students should not be a secret. Students, as well as pregnant and parenting staff, should know who to go to for help and what support is available." said Foster.

Creative solutions emerged at campuses like Wellesley, where students held a rummage sale in support of pregnant students. Berkeley students raised funds to install 22 new diaper decks for 1,000 parenting students enrolled there. University of Virginia students organized a babysitting service for parents, primarily law school students. Feminists for Life promoted telecommuting solutions early on, to expand parents’ options for completing their education.

Inspired by FFL’s Pregnancy Resource Forum, the state of Michigan passed model legislation in 1999 to host Pregnancy Resource Forums and create on-campus resource centers for pregnant and parenting students. The idea progressed to the federal level in 2005, with the introduction of the Elizabeth Cady Stanton Pregnant and Parenting Student Services Act on Capitol Hill. Reintroduction of the bill is expected. If passed, $10 million dollars will fund up to 200 colleges to host annual forums and create on-campus pregnant and parent student services offices.

“Feminists for Life is proud to be a catalyst for change, and is ready to help UCLA and other colleges across the country provide pregnant women and parenting students with the services they need and deserve,” said Foster.

Feminists for Life carries on the tradition of Susan B. Anthony and other early American feminists who sought to address the many reasons that drive women to abortion – primarily lack of resources and support.

www.feministsforlife.org

Happy Birthday Jordan

Today we welcomed Jordan into Wayne and Missy's family, and celebrated his 13th birthday. We all had brunch at our place, amoung the toddlers, which Jordan handled better than most 13 year olds would have. What was supposed to be a day for Jordan looked more like a toddler playdate, but we showered Jordan with a few fun gifts, and Rachel made him a delicous ice cream cake. It was nice to have everyone over, and just celebrate our friendships, and the new journey that Wayne, Missy, and Jordan are sharing together. For those who don't know, Wayne and Missy adopted a then 12 year old boy in their community. We wish them God's blessings and peace on their new family.

On being a parent, by Anna Quindlenn

On Being A Parent
by Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author

If not for the photographs, I might have a hard time
believing they ever existed. The pensive infant with
the swipe of dark bangs and the black button eyes of a
Raggedy Andy doll. The placid baby with the yellow
ringlets and the high piping voice. The sturdy toddler
with the lower lip that curled into an apostrophe
above her chin.

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow
but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I
have today: three
almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in
fast. Three people who read the same books I do and
have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me
in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar
jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who
need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want
to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who,
miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets
and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves.

Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a
rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep
within each, barely discernible except through the
unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once pored over is
finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry
Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and
sleeping through the night and early-childhood
education, all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight
Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered,
spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped
the pages dust would rise like memories.

What those books taught me, finally, and what the
women on the playground taught me, and the
well-meaning relations taught me, was that they
couldn't really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false
test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far
along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one
knows anything. One child responds well to positive
reinforcement, another can be managed only with a
stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained
at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put
baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on
his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies
were put down on their backs because of research on
sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this
ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then
soothing.

Eventually you must learn to trust yourself.
Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15
years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful
books on child development, in which he describes
three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and
active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an
18-month old who did not walk. Was there something
wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something
wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he
developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I
insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes
to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too.
Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been
enshrined in the, "Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of
Fame." The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad
language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell
off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool
pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer
camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of
the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I
responded, What did you get wrong? (She insisted I
include that.) The time I ordered food at the
McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away
without picking it up from the window. (They all
insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to
watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was
I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of
us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment
enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment
is gone, captured only in photographs.

There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in
the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on
a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could
remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and
how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept
that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to
get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I
wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the
getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't,
what was me and what was simply life. When they were
very small, I suppose I thought someday they would
become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I
suspect they simply grew into their true selves
because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back
off and let them be.

The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense,
matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And
look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three
people I like best in the world, who have done more
than anyone to excavate my essential humanity.

That's what the books never told me. I was bound and
determined to learn from the experts. It just took me
a while to figure out who the experts were....

Lyme Disease

Today was a full day, but it ended with some very sad news. My step-father has been diagnosed with Lyme disease. From what little I can tell, this disease can have devastating affects, although it is something that people can live with for awhile. Please contact me if you have any helpful information. Gary works for the NYS department of Parks and Recreation. He makes those signs in the woods so you don't get lost on trails, and also the Brown and Gold Park signs. If he's not in the woodshop making a sign, then he's climbing tree's to hang them, so he easily could have been bit my a tick without evening knowing it. Its very likely that this happened on the job. I'm greatly saddened becuase he has been suffering for months, and now will have re-occuring flare ups that could affect his vital organs, and cause devastating depression. The depression that lyme disease can cause has been known to be very debilitating. So far he is in good spirits, but my mom is very distressed. I'm taking Olivia to see her tomorrow in hopes of spreading some cheer.

As far as treatment goes, Gary will be seeing his primary doctor for IV antibiotic and other medications. He also has an appointment with a Homeopathic doctor. I am anxious to see what the homeopath says. Gary isn't interested in alternative medicine, but since my mom and I are, he's agreeing to give it a whirl. I pray that he isn't greatly affected by this disease.

Avery's Baptism

Today was such a perfect and joyous day! O Happy day! It was Avery's baptism. The day went off without a hitch, and was a very wonderous and spiritual time for all. I am the proud Godmother, and as you can tell, I love Avery Grace so much, and look forward to watching her grow and being a part of her life's journey. It was an emotional day becuase the role of Avery's Godmother is something that means so much to me. I can't put it into words. I'm touched and honored to be her Godmother. Love you Avery!!

Dinner Swap

Yesterday Olivia and I met up(I hate the word playdate) with Lisa, Asha, and baby Aren. I met Lisa a few months ago, and since we live almost in the same neighborhood we had exchanged numbers in hopes of getting the kids together. When we first met we had also talked about doing a dinner swap, meaning we would make double of certain dinners and swap with each other. But we weren't sure what the swap would look like, and certainly didn't want to add more chaos to each others lives, so we tabled the idea until we could come up with a good plan. We both only cook with organic, whole foods, so we felt like a dinner swap would be nice since we share the same beliefs about food, but wanted to come up with something that would work for our families. Well, during the *playdate*(ack, I even dislike typing that word) we came up with what I think is a wonderful idea. We're each going to cook double of one meal, once a week, and drop it off to each others home. There will be no commitment of a day or time, you just have to drop off one meal, once a week, to the other persons home. Lisa already surprised us last nite and dropped off a delicous noodle casserole! Perfect! I am really looking forward to sampling some new dishes, and sharing some of mine with their family. I think this idea could work for alot of people.

Happpy New Year!!!

Welcome 2007! I sure am glad to see you. What a long and strange year 2006 was for me. I had a rough go of life in 2006, and am excited to ring in 2007. I don't have any exciting resolutions, but I have the hope of losing a few pounds, and continuing to work on our home. This week last year, we actually closed on our house, and thats where I got lost in the shuffle. This month last year was only made possible by two elves named Rachel and Missy who packed every box in my apartment, and stayed with Dave and I for the entire move. I am forever grateful to these two women for their kindness. I am grateful to all of my friends, especially Ethel who let me talk about what I was going through, and gave me hope that it would all be ok.

A year in review for 2006 is hard for me, and I'm tempted to block it all out. I was suffering from depression for the first time in my life, and really didn't know how to make it better for myself. I had never met a problem that I couldn't face, but this seemed bigger than me. Even though I functioned ok, and could still outwardly act somewhat like Lisa, I really wasn't ok inside. I was hurting. That took me by surprise. I'm talking about it openly in the event that any of my friends go through this, I would never want you to feel alone. People say that it was post-partum, but I know that it very well could have been due to a series of unlucky events, and my reaction to them, that caused the depression. At any rate, I coped through God, and therapy, and I can honestly say that entering 2007 I am 90% back to me.

But I dont want to forget some of the good things that happened. I had a blast working at People's Pottery, and through the Zenness of that store I actually contemplated the funk that I was in, and got myself back on track. I learned that I love art glass. It was a nice place to spend a few hours, and I really have fond memories from PP. My coworkers were adorable and I still miss them. Then I landed a wonderful, good, flexible part time job in my field, at the Cancer Center, that I am growing to love more each day. I feel needed there, and I'm getting to do some amazing therapy with people, and I enjoy it.

I learned in 2006 that we as people have years that rock our world, and change us, and make us face things we didn't even realize are going on inside of us. The bright spot of the year was watching Olivia go from an infant to a toddler. I am having so much fun with her now, and who knew how much personality would be inside this beautiful little soul. Its so awesome. Although I'm not ready to expand the family anytime soon, I am definetly one proud and happy mommy.

So I welcome 2007 with open arms and with anticapation for all the things that life has in store for me. I'm better, stronger, and more humble than ever before, and I like that. I have always admired the humble so much, and I now see what it takes to become more humble. I certainly don't like the wilderness journey, but its so true that the sun does shine again, and the old saying "this too shall pass" is now a favorite of mine.