Back to the Grind

After an everchanging first year of motherhood, I finally headed back to work last week. I've been meaning to blog about it, but couldn't bring myself to talk about it just yet. I've been adjusting, and Olivia has been adjusting far better than I. I am working 20 hours a week at a Cancer Center as their oncology social worker. I fly solo, there are no other social workers in the practice, but there are certainly many nice people. Things I love are the staff...they are kind, caring, supportive, and actually appear to be interested in each others lives. We all eat lunch together and each day talk about something different and fun....some days its household discussions, travel, food, wine, and you get the picture. The doctors appreciate my being there, and have told me numerous times that just my presence is a relief to them. I am the "go to" person for anything and everything that they don't know how to solve. My boss also told me that I have to act as the "heart" of the practice and check in with staff so see how they're coping. They treat 40-50 patients a day, back to back, with radiation, and many of these patients are just like us, our moms, dads, kids, grandparents...they're all of us. Many of the staff are survivors so they have a deeper connection to the work their doing and sometimes they may need to debrief.

I had my first crisis today, a woman was hysterical in the waiting room and I was paged immediately. Before leaving my office I took a deep breath and asked God to please help me provide some light for this woman, and also see her as God see's her. When I arrived in the waiting room what I seen was myself, you, and anyone reading this.....this was a scared breast cancer patient who just needed to cry. She was stressed becuase her skin is flaking off, she is losing her hair, she is trying to take care of 3 kids, her house is a mess, and she feels depressed becuase her body is changing and she's had a mastectomy so she's missing her chest. Of course this woman is hysterical...I would be too. Today was also the 1st day of school and she was too busy throwing up to be able to put her kids on the bus. Theres a whole lot more she revealed, but most of it was how any one of us would feel if cancer came up and bit us. So together we decided in the waiting room that her and I were going to find one thing she could do to feel better, and she said, " Give me the number of a housekeeper, that would make me smile. " So we laughed and I gave her a list, and off she went on her way home. I didn't act like a social worker, I just acted like I was talking to a friend of mine. Thats the one thing that Sharon taught me....just to be myself becuase there is alot inside each of us that is far more helpful than remembering an intervention that some text book taught us. Theres a time and a place for academics, but this is the real world after all....

So I'm settling into the job but I have to admit that I wish it was two days a week instead of 3. I miss my time with Olivia. She is in the loving care of my in-laws and for that I'm very blessed, but she is my daughter and I miss her. I hate coming home and having from 5-7pm with her...I feel robbed on those days. I never thought I would be the type to put my career on hold for years...and not be concerned. But I was told by my new boss that there is lots of room for advancement, so someday when I care to "move and shake" I'm sure there will be many opportunities. I know I always talk about motherhood, but it trully is a sacred journey and I really am in awe of it. I take it seriously and I can't put anything before Olivia. I needed to find a job that would allow me complete flexibility, and at this job I can flex my hours weekly. Its a wonderful solution to help my family financially, but should something miraculous happen with Dave's job, or winning the lotto, then I would leave in a heartbeat. Motherhood is far greater a reward then going to my job ever could offer.