Olivia's New Sleigh

My step-dad is so talented in carpentry, and he finally finished the sleigh that he started for Olivia. We got to take it for a test run today when we picked it up. We let Gary have the honors of taking Olivia on the inaugural ride! I commissioned him on this project awhile back, and he willingly obliged. Gary is very sweet, and does all of Olivia's projects with love. Heirlooms are so important to me, and Gary knows how much anything that he creates means to me, and will be cherished for years to come. I'm so proud of this sleigh, and as you can see from the pics, Olivia is really enjoying it.

Farmer Lulu

I haven't posted an update about Olivia in awhile, and since I am also bad at updating the baby book, I better mark something on the blog. Olivia is turning into a little person, and communicating more each day. I understand her language and I can see her light up when she says something to me, and I repeat back the word that she was trying to say. Her face lights up, and its such a happy moment for both of us to be communicating, and doing the mother daughter dance. One of her latest favorites is to say "Geela" for Gorilla. She gets so excited when we know what shes saying. She copies alot of what we say, some of her latest words have been, Hummus, quiche, touch, all done, toe, knee, ear, back,Bye mommy, Bye daddy, Bye, Bye, Bye, she says bye alot, diaper, poop, pee, potty, boots, coat, and the list goes on. Her favorite thing has been to get a purse, wear it on her arm and tell us "Bye!!" Then she heads towards the door. I think that she sees us coming and going, and also wants to feel like she can come and go. Ha! Very recently I have noticed that she is starting to play differently, and is sharing her cup with her stuffed animals. She will say "Thirsty" and bring her cup over to her penguin or baby doll. But she is sort of a conditional sharer becuase she will briefly share her cup, then she will suck down the contents as fast as she can. Its hilarious. The Ego at work.

I'm starting to feel like I have a little buddy with me all the time. Olivia still has some babyness about her, but I can see the toddler behaviour starting at times. :) I'm reading the Dr. Sears discipline book and gearing up for next year, or sooner, when the terrible two's surface. He has a good quick read on his website about some other ideas for toddler discipline, heres the link if you're so inclined,
http://www.askdrsears.com/html/6/T061200.asp

I also want to add a shout out to Miss Sarah Keller who I saw at Parkleigh tonite! It was so great to see you, and thanks for helping me pick out that gift! I was Sarahs' most indecsisive customer ever, but she stuck with me. Thanks Sar!

Choice or no choice

I was moved by this article, and wondered why this day in age was someone counseled so poorly about her options during pregnancy. The following article is an undercover investigation at UCLA, and deals with a student going to the health center to hear her "options" about her pregnancy. The health center sounds like they did a horrible job of assisting her and other students, only presenting them with the option of Abortion. I can't believe that a well known school like UCLA wouldn't present someone with all of the options. It makes me feel that women haven't come as far as we think we have, especially since a pregnant college student is only given abortion as an option. I'm exasperated at the health center staff.....read on....

ALEXANDRIA, VA January 22, 2007 – Reacting to a student newspaper’s investigative report of pregnancy counseling techniques at UCLA, Feminists for Life is offering a plan to support “the rest of the choices.”

A UCLA student newspaper launched its inaugural edition today with a story based on a reporter's undercover investigation of questionable counseling techniques at the student health center.

Lila Rose, a sophomore at the University of California-Los Angeles, posed as a pregnant student seeking support for an unplanned pregnancy from the UCLA health center. The Advocate, a new student newspaper, reported today that university health center employees strongly advised Rose to abort, citing the lack of support on campus and the discomforts of pregnancy.

According to Rose, counseling was directed towards abortion, and there is no real support for women who choose parenting—marital, partnered or single—or various adoption options. The Advocate reported that the nurse practitioner explained the difficulties of pregnancy and revealed that most of the students she talks to terminate their pregnancies. "UCLA doesn't support people who are pregnant and make things easier for them necessarily," the nurse practitioner said.

The student health center staff informed Rose that while UCLA had two medical providers of abortion on campus ready to assist, Health Services had no support for a woman who wanted to continue her pregnancy, The Advocate reported. The Advocate was founded by UCLA students who have formed a pro-life and pro-woman group called Live Action. Rose is editor in chief of the new publication.

Feminists for Life President Serrin Foster has extended an offer to help, noting lack of resources and support are common in higher education but that Feminists for Life has helped other campuses bring various university stakeholders together to support pregnant and parenting students.

Lack of resources and support are common in higher education. “They don’t know how to deal with a pregnant student.” said Foster. In an attempt to help the student stay in school they often refer for abortion. Other choices are not supported. “On-campus resources and links to off-campus support are needed to solve this.”

Feminists for Life began to address the lack of resources on campus nearly ten years ago, when Foster hosted the first-ever FFL Pregnancy Resource Forum at Georgetown University in 1997. A panel discussion included an unprecedented range of stakeholders: administrators, community resource providers and students on both sides of the abortion debate. They took an inventory of resources and prepared a blueprint for progress in order to give women support for “the rest of the choices.”

The inspiration was the experience of an FFL board member. In 1995 a Feminists for Life then-board member highlighted the lack of resources on campus when she revealed that she had become pregnant in college and was abandoned with no support. “Without housing, day care and maternity coverage it didn’t feel like I had much of a choice,” she said.

With the help of FFL’s pregnancy resources forums, Georgetown within a few years addressed critical needs including housing, child care, insurance, communication and support, becoming a model for the country. Feminists for Life brought the program to Harvard, Berkeley, University of San Diego, Stanford, Notre Dame, University of Chicago, Northwestern, St. Xavier, University of Virginia, and others.

"Policies and procedures for helping pregnant and parenting students should not be a secret. Students, as well as pregnant and parenting staff, should know who to go to for help and what support is available." said Foster.

Creative solutions emerged at campuses like Wellesley, where students held a rummage sale in support of pregnant students. Berkeley students raised funds to install 22 new diaper decks for 1,000 parenting students enrolled there. University of Virginia students organized a babysitting service for parents, primarily law school students. Feminists for Life promoted telecommuting solutions early on, to expand parents’ options for completing their education.

Inspired by FFL’s Pregnancy Resource Forum, the state of Michigan passed model legislation in 1999 to host Pregnancy Resource Forums and create on-campus resource centers for pregnant and parenting students. The idea progressed to the federal level in 2005, with the introduction of the Elizabeth Cady Stanton Pregnant and Parenting Student Services Act on Capitol Hill. Reintroduction of the bill is expected. If passed, $10 million dollars will fund up to 200 colleges to host annual forums and create on-campus pregnant and parent student services offices.

“Feminists for Life is proud to be a catalyst for change, and is ready to help UCLA and other colleges across the country provide pregnant women and parenting students with the services they need and deserve,” said Foster.

Feminists for Life carries on the tradition of Susan B. Anthony and other early American feminists who sought to address the many reasons that drive women to abortion – primarily lack of resources and support.

www.feministsforlife.org

Happy Birthday Jordan

Today we welcomed Jordan into Wayne and Missy's family, and celebrated his 13th birthday. We all had brunch at our place, amoung the toddlers, which Jordan handled better than most 13 year olds would have. What was supposed to be a day for Jordan looked more like a toddler playdate, but we showered Jordan with a few fun gifts, and Rachel made him a delicous ice cream cake. It was nice to have everyone over, and just celebrate our friendships, and the new journey that Wayne, Missy, and Jordan are sharing together. For those who don't know, Wayne and Missy adopted a then 12 year old boy in their community. We wish them God's blessings and peace on their new family.

On being a parent, by Anna Quindlenn

On Being A Parent
by Anna Quindlen, Newsweek Columnist and Author

If not for the photographs, I might have a hard time
believing they ever existed. The pensive infant with
the swipe of dark bangs and the black button eyes of a
Raggedy Andy doll. The placid baby with the yellow
ringlets and the high piping voice. The sturdy toddler
with the lower lip that curled into an apostrophe
above her chin.

All my babies are gone now. I say this not in sorrow
but in disbelief. I take great satisfaction in what I
have today: three
almost-adults, two taller than I am, one closing in
fast. Three people who read the same books I do and
have learned not to be afraid of disagreeing with me
in their opinion of them, who sometimes tell vulgar
jokes that make me laugh until I choke and cry, who
need razor blades and shower gel and privacy, who want
to keep their doors closed more than I like. Who,
miraculously, go to the bathroom, zip up their jackets
and move food from plate to mouth all by themselves.

Like the trick soap I bought for the bathroom with a
rubber ducky at its center, the baby is buried deep
within each, barely discernible except through the
unreliable haze of the past.

Everything in all the books I once pored over is
finished for me now. Penelope Leach., T. Berry
Brazelton., Dr. Spock. The ones on sibling rivalry and
sleeping through the night and early-childhood
education, all grown obsolete. Along with Goodnight
Moon and Where the Wild Things Are, they are battered,
spotted, well used. But I suspect that if you flipped
the pages dust would rise like memories.

What those books taught me, finally, and what the
women on the playground taught me, and the
well-meaning relations taught me, was that they
couldn't really teach me very much at all.

Raising children is presented at first as a true-false
test, then becomes multiple choice, until finally, far
along, you realize that it is an endless essay. No one
knows anything. One child responds well to positive
reinforcement, another can be managed only with a
stern voice and a timeout. One child is toilet trained
at 3, his sibling at 2.

When my first child was born, parents were told to put
baby to bed on his belly so that he would not choke on
his own spit-up. By the time my last arrived, babies
were put down on their backs because of research on
sudden infant death syndrome. To a new parent this
ever-shifting certainty is terrifying, and then
soothing.

Eventually you must learn to trust yourself.
Eventually the research will follow. I remember 15
years ago poring over one of Dr. Brazelton's wonderful
books on child development, in which he describes
three different sorts of infants: average, quiet, and
active. I was looking for a sub-quiet codicil for an
18-month old who did not walk. Was there something
wrong with his fat little legs? Was there something
wrong with his tiny little mind? Was he
developmentally delayed, physically challenged? Was I
insane? Last year he went to China. Next year he goes
to college. He can talk just fine. He can walk, too.

Every part of raising children is humbling, too.
Believe me, mistakes were made. They have all been
enshrined in the, "Remember-When-Mom-Did Hall of
Fame." The outbursts, the temper tantrums, the bad
language, mine, not theirs. The times the baby fell
off the bed. The times I arrived late for preschool
pickup. The nightmare sleepover. The horrible summer
camp. The day when the youngest came barreling out of
the classroom with a 98 on her geography test, and I
responded, What did you get wrong? (She insisted I
include that.) The time I ordered food at the
McDonald's drive-through speaker and then drove away
without picking it up from the window. (They all
insisted I include that.) I did not allow them to
watch the Simpsons for the first two seasons. What was
I thinking?

But the biggest mistake I made is the one that most of
us make while doing this. I did not live in the moment
enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment
is gone, captured only in photographs.

There is one picture of the three of them, sitting in
the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on
a summer day, ages 6, 4 and 1. And I wish I could
remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and
how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept
that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to
get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I
wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the
getting it done a little less.

Even today I'm not sure what worked and what didn't,
what was me and what was simply life. When they were
very small, I suppose I thought someday they would
become who they were because of what I'd done. Now I
suspect they simply grew into their true selves
because they demanded in a thousand ways that I back
off and let them be.

The books said to be relaxed and I was often tense,
matter-of-fact and I was sometimes over the top. And
look how it all turned out. I wound up with the three
people I like best in the world, who have done more
than anyone to excavate my essential humanity.

That's what the books never told me. I was bound and
determined to learn from the experts. It just took me
a while to figure out who the experts were....

Lyme Disease

Today was a full day, but it ended with some very sad news. My step-father has been diagnosed with Lyme disease. From what little I can tell, this disease can have devastating affects, although it is something that people can live with for awhile. Please contact me if you have any helpful information. Gary works for the NYS department of Parks and Recreation. He makes those signs in the woods so you don't get lost on trails, and also the Brown and Gold Park signs. If he's not in the woodshop making a sign, then he's climbing tree's to hang them, so he easily could have been bit my a tick without evening knowing it. Its very likely that this happened on the job. I'm greatly saddened becuase he has been suffering for months, and now will have re-occuring flare ups that could affect his vital organs, and cause devastating depression. The depression that lyme disease can cause has been known to be very debilitating. So far he is in good spirits, but my mom is very distressed. I'm taking Olivia to see her tomorrow in hopes of spreading some cheer.

As far as treatment goes, Gary will be seeing his primary doctor for IV antibiotic and other medications. He also has an appointment with a Homeopathic doctor. I am anxious to see what the homeopath says. Gary isn't interested in alternative medicine, but since my mom and I are, he's agreeing to give it a whirl. I pray that he isn't greatly affected by this disease.

Avery's Baptism

Today was such a perfect and joyous day! O Happy day! It was Avery's baptism. The day went off without a hitch, and was a very wonderous and spiritual time for all. I am the proud Godmother, and as you can tell, I love Avery Grace so much, and look forward to watching her grow and being a part of her life's journey. It was an emotional day becuase the role of Avery's Godmother is something that means so much to me. I can't put it into words. I'm touched and honored to be her Godmother. Love you Avery!!

Dinner Swap

Yesterday Olivia and I met up(I hate the word playdate) with Lisa, Asha, and baby Aren. I met Lisa a few months ago, and since we live almost in the same neighborhood we had exchanged numbers in hopes of getting the kids together. When we first met we had also talked about doing a dinner swap, meaning we would make double of certain dinners and swap with each other. But we weren't sure what the swap would look like, and certainly didn't want to add more chaos to each others lives, so we tabled the idea until we could come up with a good plan. We both only cook with organic, whole foods, so we felt like a dinner swap would be nice since we share the same beliefs about food, but wanted to come up with something that would work for our families. Well, during the *playdate*(ack, I even dislike typing that word) we came up with what I think is a wonderful idea. We're each going to cook double of one meal, once a week, and drop it off to each others home. There will be no commitment of a day or time, you just have to drop off one meal, once a week, to the other persons home. Lisa already surprised us last nite and dropped off a delicous noodle casserole! Perfect! I am really looking forward to sampling some new dishes, and sharing some of mine with their family. I think this idea could work for alot of people.

Happpy New Year!!!

Welcome 2007! I sure am glad to see you. What a long and strange year 2006 was for me. I had a rough go of life in 2006, and am excited to ring in 2007. I don't have any exciting resolutions, but I have the hope of losing a few pounds, and continuing to work on our home. This week last year, we actually closed on our house, and thats where I got lost in the shuffle. This month last year was only made possible by two elves named Rachel and Missy who packed every box in my apartment, and stayed with Dave and I for the entire move. I am forever grateful to these two women for their kindness. I am grateful to all of my friends, especially Ethel who let me talk about what I was going through, and gave me hope that it would all be ok.

A year in review for 2006 is hard for me, and I'm tempted to block it all out. I was suffering from depression for the first time in my life, and really didn't know how to make it better for myself. I had never met a problem that I couldn't face, but this seemed bigger than me. Even though I functioned ok, and could still outwardly act somewhat like Lisa, I really wasn't ok inside. I was hurting. That took me by surprise. I'm talking about it openly in the event that any of my friends go through this, I would never want you to feel alone. People say that it was post-partum, but I know that it very well could have been due to a series of unlucky events, and my reaction to them, that caused the depression. At any rate, I coped through God, and therapy, and I can honestly say that entering 2007 I am 90% back to me.

But I dont want to forget some of the good things that happened. I had a blast working at People's Pottery, and through the Zenness of that store I actually contemplated the funk that I was in, and got myself back on track. I learned that I love art glass. It was a nice place to spend a few hours, and I really have fond memories from PP. My coworkers were adorable and I still miss them. Then I landed a wonderful, good, flexible part time job in my field, at the Cancer Center, that I am growing to love more each day. I feel needed there, and I'm getting to do some amazing therapy with people, and I enjoy it.

I learned in 2006 that we as people have years that rock our world, and change us, and make us face things we didn't even realize are going on inside of us. The bright spot of the year was watching Olivia go from an infant to a toddler. I am having so much fun with her now, and who knew how much personality would be inside this beautiful little soul. Its so awesome. Although I'm not ready to expand the family anytime soon, I am definetly one proud and happy mommy.

So I welcome 2007 with open arms and with anticapation for all the things that life has in store for me. I'm better, stronger, and more humble than ever before, and I like that. I have always admired the humble so much, and I now see what it takes to become more humble. I certainly don't like the wilderness journey, but its so true that the sun does shine again, and the old saying "this too shall pass" is now a favorite of mine.

Some Funny photos

Wahooooo.....christmas is fun!

Crisis Nursery

Todays paper featured a wonderful new organization in Rochester, and I'm going to look into volunteering there. Its called the Rochester Crisis Nursery, and is a Nursery where children can safely live when their parents are expieriencing a self defined crisis. It can be anything from a single parents babysitting crisis, to a death in the family. They won't turn away anyone who is expieriencing a crisis and is in need of childcare. Since Olivia's birth my heart has been heavy for single parents, and I often wonder how they manage, especially when life happens. Check out their website

www.cngr.org

"l never knew that I had to learn about myself"

My dear friend Joann just "flew" in for one of our late afternoon visits. She pops in for about 30 minutes, and we cover more topics than Hannity and Combs on primetime television. Joann is exactly double my age, but in our beliefs we are far closer than the gap in our age could ever offer. Joann and I have tender hearts that are very affected by the state of our world. We share this, and are able to talk to each other as two kindred spirits are able to. What I love about Joann is that she is always able to offer me advice that comes from life expierience, and a similiar heart as mine. Today I shared with her that "I never knew that I had to learn about myself." She said that sentence should be the title of a book, and I agree with her. That sentence is true, so true. I never knew that we have to get to know who we are as people. I feel like an artichoke, and with every layer that I'm "willing" to peel away, I get closer to understanding who I am, and what charges me. The "willing to peel away" is the part that often mixes us up as women. We're so scared to really get to know ourselves, even if we don't think we are, that often we just keep getting caught up in our day to day lives, and end up living for others, instead of living for our hearts.

Eckert Tolle talks about our emotions, and how to get to the core of them. I want to share what I learned from him. Whenever you're feeling an overwhelming emotion such as anger, pay close attention to your physical reaction. Paying attention to how something is physically making you feel, will help stop your ego from taking you on a wild painful ride. When we're expieriencing a strong emotion, our ego will keep feeding our brain with images that overwhelm us, but if we center and pay attention to how we're physically feeling, it can stop the ego dead in its track. I've been practicing this and adding a 3rd component. I tell God how I'm physically reacting, and that keeps me even more centered. When we learn how something physically affects us, we are better able to tune into why things bother us, and we gain an awareness about how an emotional situation really affects us. This process has had a profound impact on my life in just a few short weeks.

I have used this with countless patients that I work with and they too have expierienced some liberation from their own pain. My best example of my own personal painful issue, is that a few weeks ago I was on my way to someones house, and I didn't want to go. My mind (ego)was racing with all the reasons why I didn't want to go. I then stopped, and made myself identify my physical reaction to this painful situation. I felt the following; my stomach hurt, my head hurt, my stomach felt nauseous, and my throat felt alittle tight. I stayed the course the entire way to the house and continued identifying my physical reaction to this painful situation. My mind stopped racing becuase the EGO couldn't feed it anymore. I still have alot to work through, but I'm taking this step towards getting to know myself, and having more stillness in my life.

ALL GONE!!

I have to blog this quick little cute story from tonite. We took Olivia to get her photos done. We even brought Grandma Z along for the fun. We had 3 outfit changes becaues I wanted to have her pic taken in her first birthday dress, christmas dress, and then this other casual dress that looks cute on her. Normally I would have never brought along 3 dresses, but the place said we had unlimited time so I thought "What the heck." Olivia can be a hard one to make smile, and of course tonite was no exception. Dave and I were running around the studio yelling "Boo" to her, which is the only thing that would crack her up. Grandma Z was singing "Jiggity Jig" and the photographer was waving some toy duck all over the place, all trying to get those perfect picture smiles. By the end of the session I felt like I had just spent the last hour at the Gym, and I had broken out into a full sweat trying to get lulu to smile. So we had the 3rd dress on, and the photographer got a fair amount of pictures from Lulu when all of the sudden Olivia sat down on the floor, layed back and yelled"All Gone!" When Olivia says "All Gone" she means "All done." She says it whenever shes done doing anything. All of us starting cracking up....she literally ended her own photo session. Then she got up and left the studio area and just started leaving, she was officially "All done." I have to put that in the baby book because I will never forget watching her do that...it was priceless!

Takin it to the streets

I took Olivia on her first neighborhood stroll today, without the stroller! Hip Hip Hooray! It was so fun to walk along side of her, and watch her explore the neighborhood by foot! She was ready for action today, and loved being able to visit the neighbors and neighborhood pets. I took the walker along with us, but she ditched it two houses away and started making a run for it. So we walked hand in hand, even though she didn't seem to excited about holding my hand. :)

We have a walker!

This weekend Olivia started walking! Its been so prescious to watch her toddle everywhere. I have to mark it in the blog so I know the actual day that it started. The day was Friday December 1st, she was 13 months old. I know I'll forget to write it down so thankfully we have these wonderful blog inventions. Its so exciting to see her explore her world in the upright position.

I also want to say a happy birthday shout out to our favorite 2 year old, Hannah Jane! Happy Birthday sweetie! I'll think of you at 10:45 pm, since your mom said thats the time you were born. We all had a blast at your party today. Livy was estatic to spend an afternoon with you, and we loved meeting some of your extended family. I was thanking Daybreak 2 all the way home for bringing you guys into our lives. Happy Birthday Hannah!!

December 6th, 1976

This Wednesday I will turn 30 years old! Yikes! I actually am feeling quite uneventful about the whole expierience. Oddly enough, it isn't feeling like the milestone that I thought it would be. Perhaps I'm so caught up the Christmas cheer this year that my birthday sort of feels like just another Christmas celebration. My dear friend Ashley called last night and grilled me about the birthday plans, and asking why I hadn't requested a huge party to celebrate this "monumental event" as she called it. I gave her all of the usual excuses, "we just bought the house, we just threw Olivia a huge party, we need so much for the house, parties are expensive, and the list went on." All of those things are very true, but the birthday isn't going uncelebrated. Dave and I have a few fun plans that I'm looking very forward to. On my actual birthday we're having dinner as a family, and eating "Pasta Olivia" which is now my favorite dish but its origins date back to my pregnancy. We named it Pasta Olivia because its the one dish that I always craved, and the only one that she would let me keep down. So we'll have dinner as a family that nite, and then on Thursday Dave and I may take in Handels Messiah at the RPO, which hasnt' been done in over 10 years by the RPO. I am dying to see this performance as I'm sure its going amazing. Then On Saturday Dave and I are heading off to Skaneatlas for a full day of fun planned by Dave. Its their annual Charles Dickens festival, and we're going to have lunch at a beautiful Inn that my mom sugggested. Last but not least, Jenn has invited us all over to her place on Sunday for some birthday fun! :) I'm really looking forward to spending time with her, Avery, and Keith. My sister will be also be in town Sunday to join us. So I have some really nice plans for my birthday, and they're all things that I'm looking forward too. Its all about spending quality time with the people I love, and ringing in the start of a new decade.

These boots were made for Walkin

Thanks to grandma Chop, Livy now has some snow boots! I can't wait to let her play in the snow. :)

Work Post

I rarely blog about my job, or go into much detail about it because people usually glaze over after I really start telling them what I do. As anyone who reads this blog knows, I work in a Cancer Center as a radiation oncology Social worker. People typically receive radiation everyday for 7 weeks, and I usually meet them during their first few days. I love hearing about their lives, how they spend their days, what hobbies they enjoy, what things they've accomplished, and how they're really handling their diagnosis. Many of them welcome me into their world, and keep me updated on how they're feeling, and the goings and comings of their life. Along with getting invited into their life, I often get to hear their biggest fears, or work through their biggest fears coming true with them. Each of my patients is living and walking with so much, and there are some days where patient after patient has a story that is sadder than the one before them. People have a hard time discussing and dealing with life and death. I say that people glaze over because the minute that I tell them that I am a Social Worker in a Cancer Center they look intrigued and want details. The minute I start describing what I do they just look blank for a moment. I think its becuase we all fear cancer and death, so my job requires that I deal with both of these things interchangeably, and all day long. My escape and breath of fresh air is talking to co-workers, or calling a friend for a few minutes to get my mind off an especially sad situation.

Today I had an especially sad situation. I have a 38 year old mother of 3 diagnosed with breast cancer. I thought her outcome sounded good and I try and see her at least once a week because I know that she is a mother, wife, employee, caregiver for her own mother, and has alot of emotional issues going on with her diagnosis. Today we were discussing her case and her doctor shared with me that her chances of seeing age 40 are slim to none. What ??? I was shocked. She has a 3 year old daughter, and two other school age children. I thought of all the implications of her death and I just felt so sad. Then a few minutes later she came in for treatment and seemed so happy because she had a great holiday, and at that moment I felt so heavy in my heart becuase I was holding something about her life that she wasn't aware of. She'll never know what the doctor told me, and she might defy the odds, but according to this doctor she has no shot at survival. She has a rare form of cancer and long story short, they have never seen someone survive 18 months passed the time of diagnosis with this type of cancer. I just kept thinking of her kids, and how they don't even know that they might all be on borrowed time together. I know that God will take care of them, but my sadness is probably a normal reaction to a difficult situation. My co-workers heard the statistic and just went on with their day, and I then reminded them that she has a 3 year old, plus two other children. One of my co-workers said "The show must go on." Geesh...hows that for compassion.

A day like today feels more emotionally challenging than others. I wouldn't trade what I do, but I wish that I could have more of an impact on people. I wish I knew of a technique they could do to increase their chances of survival. It is difficult at times to be the only Social Worker at the Center because there is no other co-worker to debfief with. Thankfully I recently got invited to be part of a larger network of Oncology Social Workers for bi-weekly meetings and support. I think this came at a good time for myself, as I can stay current on what is available to patients, and get the support that I need.

Homeopathy heals

I have to credit homeopathy for making Olivia better. I wasn't aware of the immediate healing powers of homeopathy, but my curiousity is definetly peaked now. This last week has been emotinally and physically draining because our poor daughter was suffering from a very nasty virus. It started last Thursday, and as of yesterday afternoon at 1pm, it was showing no signs of giving up. Olivia was running fevers up to 104, and had a sore throat. The virus was a sore throat virus called Pharingytis(sp), and our pediatrician said that Olivia probably had razor sharp pains in her throat 24/7, and there was almost nothing that could be done. No antibiotics can be given, and the only reccommendation was to give her tylenol and motrin.

Those of you who are parents know how heart wrenching it is to watch your child screaming in pain, and feel so helpless becuase there is nothing that you can do. Every nite we were calling the on-call pediatrician begging for a solution. They just kept reccommending cold popsicles and the tylenol. We just felt awful. We were laying hands in prayer over her, and asking God to please give Olivia something that would lift this virus from her. We were seconds away from going to the emergency room on Tuesday evening when all of the sudden she opened her mouth long enough to let us sneak a bit of popsicle down her throat. None of us slept for 4 nites in a row, and by Wednesday morning I think we all had had enough.

I ended up going into work for a few hours to try and catch up on a few things. My in-laws came over and Olivia seemed very happy to see some new faces since she hadn't been out of the house, or had visitors in a few days. I left for work at 10am, and around 1:30 pm my mother in law called me and said that Olivia's lips were turning blue, she had blotches all over her entire body, and she was shaking very badly!! I raced home and then raced her to the doctor. This would be our 3rd trip to the pediatrician in 3 days. When we got there she immediately did a full exam of Olivia and said that she was turning blue as result of her fever spiking dangerously high. There was nothing to prescribe becuase this was a virus, and virus's dont respond to medicine. I can't believe that noone has invented something to kill a virus! Anyway, the pediatrician then asked me to try a homeopathic remedy called Apis, and she would call us later that evening. She had asked me about 50 questions about Olivia's exact symptoms, and felt confident that this remedy would work. We have a pediatrician who does integrative medicine, as she is both a pediatrician and naturapathic doctor. She isn't quick to prescribe homeopathy, but she was certain that it would help Olivia. We were left with nothing else, and she had assured me that if the remedy wasn't the right one than it would do nothing, but IF it was the right one then Olivia would be back to normal within one to 3 hours. My mother in law had come to the peditrician with me and even she also felt comfortable with what Dr. K had reccommended. This made me feel better because Maria has the gift of discernment, and she was so pleased with Dr K.

I don't know much about homeopathy, but always wanted to learn more about it. Herbal remedies are different, and they take much longer to work, but homeopathy can have almost immediate results if the remedy is right. To make a long story short ,I visited my friends at Natural Oasis Market as they are so knowledgeable. They were quick to point out that I only visit them in a crisis, as the last few times I've been there I've been getting remedy's for my mom and Niki since both of them suffer from migraines and have long drives home. FYI they sell a product called "Migraine Relief" and it works wonders. Anyway they had Apis in stock so we gave it to Olivia right away, and by the time I pulled in the driveway she had no fever, her color was normal, and she wanted to eat and drink right away. She was back to herself...it was as if she was transformed. At 2pm her fever was 104, and at 3:30 it was nowhere to be found.She was playing, laughing, dancing, and babbling which were things that she hadn't done over the last few days.

That nite Olivia slept like a log and was in no distress at all, and has been back to herself all day today. I am so grateful that our doctor practices integrative medicine. She called us at 830pm that same day to see how the remedy worked, and she was so pleased that Olivia was healed. She is never quick to credit one specific thing, but she agreed in our case that homepathy deserved the credit since this virus had its hold on all of us.

We are so grateful to God for working through our doctor, and grateful to our doctor for being trained in both medicines. We have alot to be grateful for today.

Happy Thanksgiving

God, when I have food,

help me to remember the hungry;

When I have work,

help me to remember the jobless;

When I have a home,

help me to remember those who have no home at all;

When I am without pain,

help me to remember those who suffer,

And remembering,

help me to destroy my complacency;

bestir my compassion,

and be concerned enough to help;

By word and deed,

those who cry out for what we take for granted.

Amen."