The cry

I went shopping at Party City to start planning Olivia's first birthday, which is only 2 short months away. My mom, me, and Olivia ventured off to plan this fun day. We headed straight for the kids birthday aisle's, which is a place that I've never been before. I wandered down the aisle until I found one that Olivia liked, and we began deciding on what items to purchase. The pattern that we liked was 50% off so we decided to take advantage of the sale. Then all of the sudden I was in tears....they erupted like a volcano in the middle of party city. My daughter was turning one, and this was her first big milestone, and the first birthday party that I would ever plan for her. First I pictured the future, and Olivia walking around the store with me begging for a "Dora the Explorer" or "Wiggles" birthday. Then I pictured how my mom and I will plan all of her parties for years to come, and one day she'll turn 18, and I'll cry just as hard as I'm crying now. I just felt overcome with emotion....like I wanted to hang onto Olivia in that moment and never lose her babyhood. I even put my hand on the top of her head and told my mom that I just want to stop her growth...even for just a second. My mom was trying to help by saying, "These years go so fast" which of course made it worse.

I quickly composed myself, but this first birthday just means so much. First it means that Olivia and I survived her first year of life, and my first year of motherhood...and we even lived to tell about it. :) I've never met a more amazing person then her, and she has brought me closer to life than I'd ever thought I'd get to it. Olivia humbled me and made me a better person, and becuase of her I am the person I am today. Olivia has made Dave and I so happy that we get choked up just mentioning her sweetness, and talk about her long after shes fallen asleep. Sometimes we even watch video's of her after shes gone to bed, and we just love every minute of them. It scares me how much we love her, because I know one day she'll grow, and we'll grow with her, but I can't ever get this time back.

So I cried in the party store, and then calmed down to have fun picking everything out. My mom felt bad for me because I cried and offered to buy all of the paper goods for the party, which was funny because it made me feel like a kid again, only this time I knew how lucky I was to have my mom buying me something. When I was a kid I didn't appreciate it as much, now I'm over the top grateful!